So today I saw my husband as he came to spend time with my daughter. He was different, as if he had shifted form and was now a stranger to me. How could this be? Even though I know I'm moving on why is it utterly and unfathomably hard to do so? He was wearing his trendy attire and looking at me from beneath his dark cloud of resentment and yet a total stranger. I drew a blank. It chilled me and hit me with constant waves of pain that despite my best efforts to revive myself took me down. I had hoped so much for our life together, had imagined our future, had nurtured the love that I have for such an injured soul and now it's just disappeared. As if overnight... not my love for him but my belief in our future... though it's been one long year and a half worth of saying goodbye and letting go. The dreams we shared still live and I find this so hard. I observe the world around me and can't imagine the pain I'm feeling repeating itself in so many at this very moment. I share with so many many others this feeling of being totally alone. Yet, the loneliness is still almost unbearable.
And now I can have a much needed cry as the door to my past creaks closed.
What does the future bring?
I met with Desma today and we talked about all our possibilities all the things that await us that we're working towards. Then I saw Alonso and saw my past and must let go.
Broken promises, lost hope, start again.
No comments:
Post a Comment